12 Tips for Keeping Your Sanity During the Holidays (& Maybe Enjoying Them Too)

We have all read at least one article or blog post about how to simplify the holidays.  Most of them typically say the same things.  I have read through several articles and posts to deliver you the most condensed common tips and have also included some creative ways to go about enjoying your holidays with your sanity not just intact, but maybe even a little better than before.  Enjoy : )

1.)  Limit Your Commitments: First and foremost, be honest with who you are comfortable with spending the holidays with and for how long.  You may love your family very much, but you might realize that sometimes being with them can be stressful. Thinking these things through allows you to set boundaries on what you know you can cope with and can help you avoid unreasonable pressure during the holidays. Planning your commitments ahead of time also allows you to feel more in control and not feel so obligated to be everywhere. When you have legitimate reasons for being happy, allow yourself to be. Whether it’s baking or cleaning the house; if you don’t enjoy it, don’t over do it. You can always buy your baked goods or ask everyone else to bring a side dish or dessert.One of the biggest things you can do for yourself is learn to say "Yes" when others offer to help.

 2.) Change Your Mindset:  Even though this time of year is only during a single season, it does come every year.   That being said; If you can’t participate in every party or family tradition this year, it’s really not as big of a deal as you may make it out to be. Next year will come soon enough. Be Flexible. Instead of trying to plan for so much in a single day/weekend, create your own schedule based on what is realistic for you and your family.

(Example; if you celebrate Thanksgiving with one family, get together with the other side a few days later for a more informal leftovers dinner.)

3.)  Simplify Your Holidays: Make plans to divide family responsibilities like gift shopping, decorating, and meal preparation. If you want things to be the same, you will set yourself up for disappointment.  Settle for what each family member can handle comfortably. Do not wait for others to initiate activities; take action yourself in order to not feel disappointed later. 

(Example: Agree upon a budget for purchases or give options and decide on either; a family gift exchange, donating to charities, or homemade gifts.)

4.) Take Your Time: Take extra time to rest and relax. It is all right to excuse yourself for some time to kick it into neutral and recharge your batteries.  Whether that that time is spent alone in a quiet room with a book, TV, or in the car listening to music; its all about keeping it calm and stress-free.  However, if you find yourself constantly feeling the need to “get away,” you may want to rethink what you have committed to doing for the holidays or pick up the Bat phone and call that special superhero of a friend or relative you love for support.

(Example; Take that massage, nail salon trip, or just put in some ear plugs and meditate.)

5.) Utilize Your Supports: If you suddenly are becoming overwhelmed with the holidays or the emotions that go along with them and you find yourself isolating, that is a red flag that could have you feeling blue even after the holiday season is gone. Even if you flat out despise the holidays, at least continue your typical social routine.  Seek out your favorite people. Sometimes your mood can improve just by being around a best friend or a favorite relative.  These people get you and understand if you don’t want to be apart of something and won’t put pressure on you. In short; seek out people who allow you to be yourself, and avoid people who contribute to your stress.

(Pro tip; Counseling or support groups are another way to relieve holiday stress or sadness. Being able to connect with others and sharing similar experiences and solutions can help you manage your feelings.)

6.) SHiFT Your Focus: Lets get real.  The commercialism and superficiality of the holidays can get a bit aggravating.  Instead of getting wrapped up in stuff, things, and obligations; give back to your community. You could volunteer at a toy drive, food bank, soup kitchen, or other opportunities your town might host. Instead of getting lost in a stressful sea of people, contribute to the well being of others (which in turn contributes to your own health). Choose a Charity Gift. Another great way to avoid the mall or hours of online shopping is to give charity gift cards or non-profit memberships that reflect your relatives/friends.

(Example; Network forGood allows the gift receiver to donate the money to the non-profit of their choice.)

7.) Remember Your Health: What is worse than committing to multiple holiday obligations and feeling stressed?  Getting sick and having to either skip or suffer through them with a runny nose or cough.  Get into the sun at least 15 minutes a day to soak up some vitamin D.  Regular exposure to sunlight or even fluorescent lights, can significantly improve your mood during Autumn and Winter. Get plenty of sleep.  Try for at least 8 undisturbed hours a night and plan ahead accordingly.  Good sleep is one of our best defenses against illnesses, depression, stress and weight gain. Too many nights out and about can accumulate and leave you feeling like the Walking Dead (Benefits of sleep) . Physical activity is one of the best ways to make yourself feel better through simple body chemistry in releasing endorphins. Take a walk, go to the gym, or participate in a sport you enjoy.

(Pro tip; Try focusing on a specific fitness goal every day to keep you on track.  If you want to burn more but have less time, try high-intensity interval training.

8.) Set Your Routine: Getting out of your normal routine with a bunch of parties and get-togethers can leave you feeling flustered.  Set at least one goal every day; even if it is as simple as cleaning out a closet and donating some clothes or writing a few Christmas cards a day. The piece of mind you will get from completing these tasks add to your sense of productivity and sanity.

9.) Watch Your Intake:  Moderation is key but the holidays can be a time of temptation and excess.  Watch your intake of alcohol especially. A few drinks can make you feel temporarily euphoric, but alcohol is a depressant and going overboard can lead to making you feel even worse. On a more serious note; Alcohol can interfere with medication and intensify symptoms of any mental health issue. This can also lead to uncomfortable or awkward moments at your holiday gatherings, especially if you will be around people in your family who can trigger some unpleasant emotions.  On a similar note; try to stick to a healthy diet and avoid overeating.

(Pro tip; Eat a healthy snack of some vegetables or fruits before attending a holiday party to leave less room for junk.)

10.) Plan Your Shopping: If you can’t do your shopping online and the crowds are already out in force, you might want to consider taking a day off. Rather than stressing and spending hours in traffic on your weekend, use one of the vacation days you were saving for the holidays for a mid-week shopping extravaganza. The shopping centers will be less crowded than on the weekends and you'll be able to quickly accomplish your goals.  Maybe you could even get some form of alone time relaxation?! Once you have checked everything off your list on your special day off, work will seem much less stressful and you can start to enjoy the holidays.

11.) Reflect on Your Blessings: Whether you are religious or spiritual or none of the above, whether you go to a church, a mosque, a synagogue or take time in nature; take time to stop and reflect on your blessings in your life.  The holidays are as good of a time as any to tell those people who you are grateful for just how much you appreciate them.  

12.) Pack Your Bags: Need a change of holiday routine and scenery? Get out of town.  Literally. Make it a trip for two with your significant other, or make it a family affair. Instead of buying gifts for each other, spend the money on the experiences and memories that will last a lifetime. As the comedian Daniel Tosh once said, “Ever see anyone frown on a jet ski?  No.  That’s because it is physically impossible.” Visiting parts of the world that are particularly more sunny can also improve your mood, not to mention give you a great tan : ). 

(Example: Ever spent Christmas on a beach in Hawaii?  Mele Kalikimaka!  I don’t know about you, but surfing some of the best waves in the world with my husband sounds great to me. Sometimes, if the holidays have you singing the blues and you just can’t beat ‘em or join 'em?…….fly away!)

***Seek professional help if you need it. Many studies estimate that there is at least a 15% increase in people seeking professional help during the holiday season. If you are having trouble sleeping, have lost your appetite, have continuing thoughts of hopelessness and despair, seeking professional help may needed.

Have a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and New Year!

Best wishes,

Nicole @ SHiFT.coaching.counseling.consulting

Life & Balance

We have all heard that life is a balance. But how many people actually slow down to hear what that really means? Life: work, school, relationships, etc.... it all needs to be BALANCED in order to live a healthy life. Lately, I have thought more and more on this and have started to implement little balancing methods to keep certain aspects of my life more in check (of course, I am most definitely not talking about my sugar intake! This one will be the hardest to "balance"). I wonder how many of my friends, family, and others out there could benefit from some all natural, healthy balance too?
No Rx required....

7 Thoughts for a More Balanced Life

1. Work

Yes, it is a 4 letter word, but it is a necessity in life in order to provide for yourself/family. It doesn't have to be such a painstaking task though! What is it about your work that is throwing you off balance? If it is something you can change, do it. If not, perhaps it is time to start searching for work that fulfills your need that is not currently being met. Many people think that in order to "make a difference" they must have a title that exclaims out loud into the world that they are making a difference. In reality, sometimes you can make a big difference in people's lives in a job where people do not have such huge expectations for you to do so. If it is meaning in your work that is throwing you off; find it or create it and see how that balances out your work in your life.

Another large part of work and balance is the work-home life balance. This is increasingly becoming a bigger problem as the standard of living is raised and the wages remain the same or even decrease. In the modern family, it has become rarer to see a stay at home wife/mother than both spouses/parents working. And working harder at that! But what is all this hard work getting us? Are we just working to make ends meet? Or are we working to have that new car and one up the Jones' next door with a bigger and flatter TV? And at what cost to our children? It is important to sit down and get some things straight at this point. Start listing your priorities as they come to mind. What are YOUR priorities? Now zoom out a bit, take a look at what you just wrote. Are they really your priorities, or are they society's? Start to implement balance strategies of how you can better manage your priorities. Whether it is cutting back on your hours at work to attend your child's field trip, or vowing to not work overtime any more so that you can focus on being the most productive you can be in order to come home to your spouse or have that alone time you've been meaning to have. It's all in your control.

2. School

You are attending school because you want to have more of something in your life. It might be money, prestige, security, or even just plain knowledge. Regardless, you are there to balance something out in your life. When I chose psychology as my major and decided to pursue a career in psychology it was from a place of hopelessness. I had gained hope through helping others and realizing my purpose, so in essence I balanced my own feelings of uncertainty with the gain of determination and purpose. To me, this is what school is about.

For others, it may be to be at the very top of the class and to focus on getting the highest grade on every paper/test. That's ok. Hear me out again, there is nothing wrong with getting/wanting the very best grades. But ask yourself what you need to do to balance that need. Because I will remind you that at the end of your schooling, when you are sitting in that interview for that very important job you want so badly, they won't be looking at your grades. They will be listening to you and what you have to say. So get out from underneath those grades every once in awhile and get out in to the world and find some balance in a deep conversation with another human being. PLEASE. You may be a genius, but if you can't slow down enough to hold a conversation and genuinely relate to others you will have a very long and difficult road ahead of you.

Balance is needed for the other type of student as well. If you are a big and proud extrovert, no problem. But do keep in mind there are others sharing the experience of school on the daily with you as well, who every once in awhile may want to raise their hand and say something but you are often already talking all the while. This being said, balance can be found for by gaining a sense of conscientiousness through controlling the "blurting" impulse. It doesn't mean that what you have to say isn't important, it just means that maybe you should allow others the chance to comment every once in the while for the sake of balance. Who knows, maybe other people will surprise you by asking the same questions or coming up with the same conclusions which can lead to a whole discussion outside of class!

3. Relationships

Whether its family, friends, work, or classmates; relationships are a two way street. Often when I have counseled, the main problem tends to be focused on an unhealthy relationship. Either the client does not recognize that the relationship is unhealthy or even worse, they know it is but they continue to be part of it. The balance is mostly summed up by one word, "Compromise."

Do you often feel drained, angry, lonely, and unsettled in a relationship? Perhaps it is because the fulcrum of the balance in your relationship is more towards the other person, leaving you with all the "heavy" feelings. A technique I have used in session with clients is to draw a line and put yourself and the other person at opposite ends of the line, now mark exactly in the middle. That's what compromise looks like. Each person gives some and gets some as long as that mark stays in the middle. Now, often in relationships there tends to be a natural giver or "diplomat" who may often see that the other person is asking for much more than what is being given at the line of compromise, but they don't make a fuss because they just want harmony and the relationship to continue. This can become an ugly cycle that repeats itself over and over until eventually the "giver" is now either completely fed up or they have become completely controlled by the other person and lost hope of getting out of the relationship. So what do your relationships do for you and what do you do for the people in your life? Are they healthy? If not, stand your ground until the middle point is reached. The relationship is not meant to be a tit for tat or an "I did this for you, now what are you going to do for me?" But at the same time, if one person is in large part dominating the other, something needs to change.

However, if you are in an physical/sexual/psychologically abusive relationship, seek help and get out while you still can.

4. Personality

I am an ENFP (Extrovert/Intuitive/Feeler/Perceiver) according to 2 MBTI's and 2 KTI's. I enjoy being around people who often give me energy, I tend to think more abstractly and about a big picture, I value more personal considerations, and tend to holdback judgement/decisions until the bigger picture is seen. That's a nice neat box, isn't it?! The thing about personality is that while we can indicate our own preferences and compare them to those of others, we lack the ability to be able to touch the soul of the individual. In the biggest personality indicators there are 16 different personalities. If you study these instruments and have your results interpreted you will see that all of these 4 dimensions are based on a continuum. So, in reality there are many more than 16 specific personalities. For example; I am barely an Extrovert. My initial reaction to being out with people is that of excitement. But after awhile of being out, I may get exhausted and feel like gaining some balance back by going home and having some alone time. I used to give myself hell about this and wonder what was wrong with me. However, it makes sense to me that if I am barely an "E" on the continuum, why I behave this way.

How about you? Do you ever wonder why you do "off the wall things" that are characteristically "not you?" Perhaps it is your subconscious way of providing a balance when you walk outside of that noisy bar to catch a breathe of fresh air. Or maybe you get balance by listening to techno music while you fall asleep in order to cancel out all those thoughts that pop up in your head while you lay there at night. The human mind and body are fans of a natural homeostasis, so what may seem as "odd" behavior to ourselves or others may just be our personality keeping certain neuroses in check.

5. Leisure

Time doing something of your free will can be just as important as time spent making a living. Our whole lives we have been in a system of routine and structure. And to some degree, a good majority of us need that structure or we really would not get much accomplished! Leisure is what gives us things like creativity, deep thoughts, exercise, and anything else that you need but don't necessarily get paid for doing. And if you do get paid for any of the above, then I would argue that what you do for leisure may look quite different than what others do who do not have a job in the above fields. Leisure is our yin to our yang, the down to our up and at 'em, our much needed break.

It seems as though leisure is the natural way to balance out emotions, stress, and energy if you can identify your own balance needs. For example: I know some psychotherapists (myself included) who may not openly admit this but when they come home from a long day of problem solving and stressful situations, will leisurely watch what I like to call "mindless TV." For me, watching such staged events happen that I don't have to exert much of any thought about is highly entertaining and balancing. Can you think of any leisure activities you might take part in that balances out your day? Sometimes its just the contact with a boxing bag, the sound of a waterfall you hike up to, or the sensation of a board under your feet as you glide across a wave that can balance everything.

6. Nutrition

Sometimes when we eat, we may eat too much and it may result in a stomach ache or bloating. Other times, people may develop certain diet related diseases such as Type II diabetes. What seems to be lacking is a balance. Just like personality or personal priorities with work, everyone's bodies have their own unique balance. For the most part though, there are certain truths. I recently read an article about how certain foods can trigger anxiety. What if one or many of those foods happened to be your favorite and even though it caused you pain, you had a difficult time giving it up? Again, it comes down to priorities in your life. Is having the pleasure of eating your favorite foods worth more than a tiny bit of anxiety? How about so much anxiety it causes a panic attack? We must be mindful of what our priorities are in order to set clear boundaries, even with food.

For many people who tend to over eat, an obvious balance would be exercise (at least to the point where the excess calories are burned). For people who don't eat enough, perhaps supplementing with the right vitamins/minerals and vitamin rich foods would create a healthier balance. For many, change does not have to be something huge. You just have to change something in order to gain some form of balance.

7. The Mind

In psychology, there is a basic freudian structural theory of the ID, Ego, and Superego. The ID is more of an animal instinct, the Ego is more realistic and grounded, and the Superego is more about morals and criticism. In theory, the Ego plays the middle-man in creating a balance between the ID and Superego's needs. Do you have an overactive Superego telling you are not doing enough to accomplish XYZ in your life when in reality you know that you are giving it your all? Or are you following more of your ID instincts and lacking in a bit of restraint and guidance? Awareness is the first step to change. In reality, many of the topics above can be places on a line of continuum with the reality being in the middle (much like the Ego), and the other two extremes on either side. You can give into one side or the other, but you will still be off balance. One question is; how bad do you want balance? But in reality the bigger question is; who do you want to be and how will you find your balance in order to become that person?